Subscribe via RSSVacationing Matthews' style
Monday, July 30, 2007 |
Summer is vacation season. This year, my wife and I sat down and determined that the borders of the Peace Garden State could not hold us in. Sometime after the summer solstice, my radiant wife, Jennifer, and our brood will clamber into the minivan and head off on a journey of excitement and traffic tickets.
The word "vacation" comes from two root words. "Vacus," meaning "travel," and "attrocionne," meaning "dad is crazy." This really shows you that dads have an integral part in the vacation experience.
My philosophy is that life is more than just a destination - it's a journey, so sit down and shut up.
This is why we have every sort of video equipment installed in the van to occupy the children and allow me to "navigate" in peace. DVD players, video game systems, popcorn makers, etc. Everything I wished I had when on long road trips with my family growing up.
Instead, my brother Paul and I would make hand puppets out of stocking caps and enjoy the complexities of making rude sounds with our arms.
Maybe we are robbing our children of that experience. That level of boredom that will cause them to find enjoyment in drawing on their corduroy pants with their fingers. What if a six-hour drive through boring landscapes won't bore them enough to reach deep within themselves to find a sense of imagination? They may never find the joys of "Roadkill Bingo." That would be a tragedy.
Thankfully, I have a natural gift for navigation. If I had traveled with the great explorer Ponce deLeon, we would have found the Fountain of Youth. Sure, we may have had to take a slight detour through what is now Iowa, but I know we would have found it. Nevertheless, my wife insists on bringing a map. If Ponce deLeon's wife came along, I'm sure they would have had a map and not landed in Florida, where they were attacked by the native tribes and later died from the wounds.
Maybe a map is a good thing, after all.
We could get a Global Positioning System gadget and have a satellite view of our location, but I think that takes the fun out of it. I like to imagine great explorers like Lewis and Clark would have turned down a GPS, too, if they had a chance. Of course, Lewis and Clark didn't have three youngsters kicking their canoe seats whining about the sun being in their eyes.
In my family, the role of "The Dad" is responsible for the following jobs:
1. Listen to my wife, who will have the map and actually knows how to read it and fold it.
2. Maintain the family vehicle. I know the same amount about internal-combustion engines as my wife does, but it just seems logical that somehow - maybe through osmosis with the mechanic bills - I will learn. My only stipulation to performing such tasks is that, before performing any automobile maintenance, like changing a tire, I insist on having a second vehicle available. This way, my beautiful wife can drive me to the emergency room if I have a freak air filter accident.
3. When we get to the hotel, I am responsible for at least one giant "cannonball" into the pool. This is non-negotiable.
4. I carry the camera and take hundreds of photos of my thumb visiting new and interesting locations.
5. Lastly, I must buy embarrassing T-shirts, like the one that says, "Near as I can tell, we're somewhere behind Mount Rushmore" with a cartoon of the back sides of four men carved into a mountain.
Being the dad on vacation is fun. Now sit down and buckle up ... I know a shortcut.
