Turning 35

Tuesday, October 16, 2007 |

This Friday I will celebrate, nay jubilate, the 35th anniversary of my birth. Sure, this is not really a “Milestone” birthday. There are no proverbial hills to be “Over”. No crisis to have….right?
Now that I’m thinking about it, wasn’t the life expectancy of a “cave person” hunter-gatherer barely 30 years old? Wow! That’s harsh. Does that mean that cave people that loved to make “Old age” jabs at their fellow cave-dwellers, would be poking their fun in my direction?
Nah!
You know, 35 is the minimum age to become president. I have a hard time believing that someone in my age-range could lead the country….without some sort of “Being the U.S. President for Dummies” book. Based on presidential history, there has to be such a book.
If the country made a collective mistake and I some how not only made it onto the ballot, but stumbled into a victory, the first thing I would do as President of the United States (The best damn states ever united) would be to eliminate the Senate and the House of Representatives. Not just get rid of the politicians, but physically remove the building. This would do two things.
1. It would free up a nice area for a public ping pong court.
2. All major decisions would be submitted and presented on YouTube videos and decided based on how many “Friends” the videos would get. Two thirds majority and it passes.
Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. This is what happens when I start asking “What if?”
My question now is….what happens when I turn 40? My lovely wife just turned 29.95 (plus tax) and she looks great, but based on the trends, by the time I’m 40, my hair follicles will implode leaving a nice landing area for miniature alien hover vehicles. I will wear more argyle than legally allowed, and I will be banned from wearing baggy pants and puffy shoes.
Maybe turning 40 won’t be so bad after all. Bring it on, old man time! Maybe we could face off in a game of ping pong on the Capitol lawn?

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Posted by brian