Red Sneaker - Blog of Brian Matthews

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First Day of School

Friday, August 22, 2008 |

The first day of all-day kindergarten is over. The principal said everything went well. No one freaked out or needed a nap part way through the day?not even the students. Annabelle came home happy and excited about her new friends. She was picking out clothes for the next day and said, ?There?s a boy in my class that I have a crush on.?
The first day of the first class and she already has a crush on some poor unsuspecting boy. If this is any indication of how Annabelle?s schooling will go, she will be giving my ulcers by 8th grade.

Brian "Pepto, Please? Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

Red Sneaker for President

Wednesday, August 13, 2008 |

Have Lunch with me!

Cell phone etiquette

Thursday, August 7, 2008 |

In the age of mobile phones, there are certain known rules.
1. Turn your phone off when entering a hospital, theater, or church
2. Turn your phone to vibrate when you are in meetings

My question is?how about public restrooms? Should you turn the phone off? Silence it? At least not answer it if it rings?
Well apparently I was wrong on all accounts because I just heard a phone ring and the owner answer and talk. Complete with flushing background noise, he even confessed he was in the rest room.
I?m still turning mine off.

Brian "Viva La Nostril? Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

SPAM by any other name....

Wednesday, August 6, 2008 |

Being a creative person, I am always looking for inspiration. My last inspiration came from my ?Junk Mail Folder?. Just before I trashed the spam, I had a thought----could we use the nonsensical spam verbiage form in short-form poetry?

FROM Billy Shakespeare
A_ll w0rLd's c1_@las @ st@ge,
And all RX M e d s me N w o m e n meRely pl ayers,
They s3 xy t1me eXits entr@_nces,
one m_An in his time plays bl_AckJ_ac_k many parts v1@g rA

Brian "G1f+3d" Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

Water Heater Blues

Tuesday, August 5, 2008 |

If you were following me on Twitter last night, you will know that I was oot and aboot water heater shopping. My beautiful wife, Jennifer, was at home recovering from illness, so I was flying solo.
Typically, I am a cheapskate. I shop around and ask lots of questions and I?m always leery of what seems to be too good of a deal. Last night was no different. I walk into the first store and ask about their ?Teenager-sized? water heaters guaranteed to ensure I get a hot shower every day even after all three females and the teenage male shower in our house. Unfortunately---they can?t get it. ?No one buys units that size?. Pishaw! Even the two sizes smaller---not available because no one buys them. As each model decreases in size, I feel my showers getting cooler and cooler. Then a sales associate (not the main one I was dealing with, interjects, ?Do you have enough space for a unit that big?? Only a 9 foot by 7 foot room. Hopefully that is large enough.
Then he jumps into, ?Well, is the vent far enough off the ground? It has to be at least 63 inches.? I call my ailing wife at home and ask her to measure the venting. 63 inches exactly. I then tell him that my sick wife got out of bed to measure the vent just to make him happy. Thankfully the main associate I was working with was super! She just kept searching for water heaters I could actually buy and didn?t bother trying to dissuade me from my purchase. Once the nay-sayer goes away, I ask the nice associate, ?What?s his issue?? to which she replies, ?He?s the boss.? That explains everything.

Brian "Viva La Nostril? Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

More Dew-mocracy

Today?s Mountain Dew Flavor??Voltage?. It?s darker blue than the ?Revolution? which was more like Windex mixed with Sprite. I was less enthusiastic about today?s flavor?partly because of yesterday?s experience and partly because ?Voltage? is described as ?Charged with Raspberry, Citrus flavor and Ginseng?. I typically don?t enjoy Raspberry, but I?m taking this one for the team.
This one isn?t half bad. Although there are the similar tastes as ?Revolution? (know referred to as ?Regurgitation?), the dominant flavor is actually enjoyable. If the ginseng were removed, it would be far more enjoyable. I don?t require any ginseng that, according to the internet, gives you improved energy, longer fingernails, softer scalp, and a fuller lusher tongue. Good to know.

Brian "Flavoratti? Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

Mountain Dew

Monday, August 4, 2008 |

I took a chance and got one of the new Mountain Dew ?Dewmocracy? flavors. I?m trying ?Revolution?. Officially it?s ?infused with wild berry fruit flavor and Ginseng?. I can?t put my finger on it, but here?s a few possibilities on how it really tastes:

1. Fizzy play dough and flat 7Up
2. Bug spray mixed with a pixy stick
3. Plastic mixed with Tide detergent (liquid-regular scent)
4. Smurf spit
5. Bea Arthur in a carwash

Brian "Carbonated Caribou? Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

Top 5 Geek analogies when it comes to Significant Others

Friday, August 1, 2008 |

I was talking to a male acquaintance and he referred to his significant other as ?High Maintenance?. I am not the kind of guy who insists on putting a sports or car analogy on every situation. I?ve never ?Made it to second? or ?Plugged the muffler?. Honestly, I?m not even sure what those phrases means.
I started to think?..why can?t I come up with analogies that reflect my interests?
Here?s my Top 5 list of analogies for geeks when referring to significant others.
5. It?s not her, really. It?s a motherboard issue.
4. She?s been overclocking me!
3. Somebody moved her jumpers!
2. She closes all my tags.
1. Later I hope to GOSUB, if you know what I mean!

Brian "g33k? Matthews

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